


Loki Makes Love and Babies (And forgets the War part)

by CandyassGoth



Category: Fantastic Four, Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: And has many babies, But he is, Crack, Loki decides to build an army with his own flesh and blood, Loki has a list of dick targets, Loki is a good momma, M/M, Mpreg, Multiple Pairings, Other, Rare Pairings, Victor is his unwilling accomplice, Victor isn't happy about this, just very random self prompts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-07
Updated: 2014-12-07
Packaged: 2018-02-28 12:11:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2732018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CandyassGoth/pseuds/CandyassGoth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki has a plan to take over Earth using an army of new monster babies that he will make himself. He hides at Victor Von Doom's place while he puts his plan into action, only Victor notices that the more babies he has, the more the plan derails. </p><p>Neither Victor nor the Avengers were quite prepared for Loki's procreation schedule, but they stick it out like good bros for the kids' sakes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Loki Makes Love and Babies (And forgets the War part)

**Author's Note:**

> It is my goal that Loki must lay with everyone. And have babies. Many, babies.
> 
> Also taking a lot of liberties with time lines and universes and comic vs movie and all that bullshit. 
> 
> Also, just mentioning this because of the new Fantastic four coming out, but I imagined the originals, Julian McMahon as Von Doom, Alba as Susan etc. in the fic. I'm going to have a hard time with the new movie, but if Andrew Garfield won me over maybe the new dudes will too. So yeah Julian McMahon as Von Doom in my vision, but feel free to imagine whoever you want, I know many peeps didn't like his portrayal of Vonny.
> 
>    
>  _I apologize for errors_

**Loki Makes Love and Babies (And forgets the War part)**

As of six O' clock that evening, Victor's plan was to get home, chase out his servants, open a bottle of wine and mull over a new plan. Well, not a plan, more of an idea towards a plan, but all he wanted to do was brood. His company was flourishing again, but his inner demons were restless. If he was base enough he would've gone and murdered someone with a bat, but that was petty and messy and he had brain work to do. So much more dignified.

With that planned for his near future, he did _not_ find it funny when he came home to find his building void of people, instead filled with an odd humming in the air he wouldn't have been able to sense when he was powerless and normal. Or as normal as things went for him, being the handsome wealthy successful superior-to-thee entrepreneur-genius he was. His security systems were still running just fine, everything was locked up as if he had already shut the place down, and yet something smelt fishy.

Literally.

In his pent house he found the source of the problem. It was wet and wild looking, dripping something that had _better_ be seawater seeing as it smelt like _that,_ at the very least _._ Not that having Loki God of Mischief arriving so suddenly in his livingroom dripping wet and smelling like prawns was alright in any form.

As soon as Loki saw him he smiled widely, wringing out his hair over the floor. "Victor, I am in need of accommodation and secrecy. Will you have me?"

"Where is my staff? And why do you stink like that?"

"I dismissed them." Loki said, in a perfect replica of Victor's voice. Victor wondered what his servants thought when they were confronted by a replica of him looking like he just fell into the ocean and got attacked by sardines. Loki continued in his own voice. "So I repeat, will you have me?"

After the few times of Loki dropping in uninvited this had to be the weirdest, especially seeing as Loki never asked permission to squat there. He just—quoting Loki—'does what he wants'. Any and all Victor's attempts of keeping (or kicking) Loki out had failed until they finally made friends, in which asking nicely didn't work either.

Victor exhaled in defeat, and morbid loneliness. He needed a more social hobby, dead bodies didn't do well. "…Sure, why not. What is the occasion?"

"Nesting." Loki said merrily, taking the permission to rub his wet feet on the Persian rug in the foyer. Sadly Victor watched it die, until his in brood-mode brain registered what he had actually fucking said.

"What? Is that an acronym for something? Never-Ever-Succeeding-The-Ingenious—"

"No, _nesting_. Meaning I am going to choose a spot, fill it with as many worthy materials as possible to live on and give birth. It's an odd craving, pay it no mind."

Victor stared at him. "…I feel like I should have a bewildered expression on my face right now. Do I?"

Loki smiled sweetly, emphasising his dimples, as if it would distract Victor. "I told you already I wasn't as I seem."

"Yes, which I thought translated that there was a broken child beneath your maniacal grin. Not _nesting_. Is this supposed to be an alien thing?"

"Well it's obviously not a human thing, keep up!" Loki rolled his eyes as he rolled around, and started to search around the pent house.

Victor followed after him, throwing a hand out and barely resisting giving Loki a good shock in the ass. "Stop! You can't crash here and _nest_ , do I look like a goddamn nursery? You can't have _babies_ here?!"

"I love how you say 'babies'." Loki purred, then stopped and looked over his shoulder, acknowledging the seriousness of Victor's tone. "…But you're my only ally that won't rat me out…?"

"I am not having screaming infants crowding my lair. Why are you even bringing this up? Are you p—… _pregnant_?"

"Not yet. I made a small list of paternal seed donors though, come look." Loki pulled a piece of modern looking albeit crumpled paper from god knows where and straightened it out. "You're not on here, so don't get your hopes up."

Victor looked at him dryly as he forced himself over to assess the sperm shopping list. "Thank you for the warning, I'd hate to be devastated." He droned. He took the offered paper to read the names written—very elegantly mind you—then slowly lowered it and gave Loki a calm smile as the god wandered off, searching again.

"…So where do you buy your drugs? And from who? You pop up all chirpy with this insane list and—no— _fuck_! That cost a fortune!" Victor groaned as Loki suddenly attackd and ripped at the leather couch. Loki ignored him, tearing apart the fabric as if it were cotton. "Couldn't you have _magicked_ one for yourself and broke that?!"

"It's got a scent I like. I can't create lasting scent."

"Like what? My ass? Are you insane? This list is completely fucked, I need to wash my hands." He dropped the list dramatically and stepped back so it didn't land on his shoes. "And what the hell is _some yoton_?"

Loki gave him a half-hearted glare, rounding up strips of leather. " _Jotun_. It's my race, I told you this." He then walked away, bits of fluff and couch inners drifting after him and the leather over his shoulder. Victor followed him if only to be there for the death of more of his expensive home.

"Uh huh. And the Hulk? And Grimm? You're tricking me, aren't you? Okay, very funny, Mr. God of Mischief. I am finally tricked. Now is something going to jump out and throw cake at me, stab me in the dick?"

"You'd be so fortunate. I am using this corner." Loki declared, throwing the fabric down into the corner. They were in the room adjacent to Victor's. He didn't dare point that out lest Loki fix it by moving one over.

"…The _Hulk_? He'd kill you. …Can he even _procreate_? He has the mentality of a child throwing a tantrum around his divorcing parents. The image alone is disgusting."

Loki smiled, as if Victor was concerned over his wellbeing. "I have a plan, I always do. Don't worry about me, Victor."

"…You're not keeping Hulk spawn in this apartment. As magnificent as your insane ideas go, _no_."

"What? Is your shack too weak to hold our greatness? The future rulers of this world? I might as well have gone to seduce Stark and use _his_ tower instead."

Loki snorted, and veered past him into Victor's room, where he started pulling the blanket off the bed, throwing it over his shoulder. He left without claiming the room or killing the mattress, so Victor took the small mercy with a few squeezes of his fists.

"So Stark gets sex and I get my innocent upholstery torn to shreds?"

"Exactly how many beds do you possess?" Loki threw the blanket onto the pile of leather, then turned and tapped his fingers to his lips, thinking.

"Listen to me—"

"Yes, Victor?"

"…You're not. Breeding. _HERE_."

Loki gave him a funny look. "…Of course not, the breeding will take place at the fathers'. Now, I am going to bathe. Acquire me a few gallons of the best lubrication Midgard has to offer, some rubber gloves and those round face things Stark calls goggles."

**XxXxXxXxXxXx**

"Fuck, you're fucking stone." Loki screeched, trying—and failing—to scratch dents into Ben Grimm's shoulders. His very very _very_ solid shoulders. Fuck he was solid. " _Rock_ hard..." He was impaled on a decent few inches of literally rock-hard dick. It was so much better than the cold scratchy memories Loki had from his experimenting days. Everything was better in this day and age.

"I'm sure we've covered this already." Ben chuckled, his voice worlds deeper than any man Loki had heard before. It made him shiver and mewl, grinding his hips down, making his first donor moan, and thus making Loki repeat his reaction causing a cycle that was difficult to break. Grimm's hands were huge, four fingered—and fuck those were like spare cocks Loki had never been so turned on by hands in his life.

"You're not the first stone I've fucked." Loki panted shamelessly, "But you will be the first to fuck me back. It is so hard to draw reaction out of a rock."

Ben seemed like one eager to please, and that was alright with Loki. "I'm big on reaction, just ask Johnny."

"Johnny? Who's that again?"

"My pal, that idiot all the chicks love. _The Human Torch_."

Loki stared over the orange shoulders as he bounced, trying to put a face to the name. "Oh. …Is he powerful?"

Ben's lifting of Loki's body slowed minutely, but Loki was openly mewling and it was enough to keep him confident. Loki mewled wantonly for anything and everything, but no need to tell him that. Ben pulled a face, if you could call it that. "…Not more than me. He's just a show off."

"What's his power?"

"Fire." Ben grumbled, jealously ripe in his voice. Loki took pity on him and drew his hands up to cup his wide neck.

"Oh…oh well, where were we, sweet boulder?"

"Just let me know if I hurt you," Ben said seriously, but tightened his grips in all the right ways. Loki had mercy on him from passing a heavy roll of his eyes. Creeping in and draping himself naked across the superhero's couch was simple enough, but it did take a good dose of pheromones to get the man to let down his guard, and pants. The Thing hadn't quite recognised him as a villain, but perhaps his jealously over the—as the mortals dub— _chick magnet_ friend Johnny pressured him enough to be the one to accept a cheap romp from an attractive stranger.

_The poor thing._

Loki laughed his head off for a while at that.

Their fucking—or Loki's fucking, The Thing didn't have all that much mobility or youth to be fluidly thrusting—ended with a bang. Literally. The rest of the Fantastic Four walked in on them at some point. Johnny tripped over his sister, Susan, who accidently turned invincible at the sight of them, and set fire to the lamp on their right. Richard just stared, his mouth open unnaturally and puckered in unspoken questions. Ben jumped, panicking, and threw Loki off of him and straight through the wall to a bathroom, shouting at the others to close their eyes as he tried to hide his very bare body.

By the time Susan was visible again and Johnny was rushing around with a grin and teary eyes to find his partner Loki was gone, having got what he wanted.

"Ben! Ben, you gotta tell me who that was. You taped it right? Right?!" Johnny exclaimed, crowding Ben despite his swipes.

"Reed was that…?" Susan started, but Richard was frozen on the spot, and the other two were now getting physical as Johnny bombarded Ben with questions. The _man_ looked sort of familiar, but he was already gone, like magic. It wasn't worth hovering on, she already had three big man-children to worry after. Two who were currently breaking the new sofa.

**XxXxXx**

It was only the first pregnancy and Victor was sure that by the end of this he was going to go mad. He had lied in bed the first night Loki came, blanketless, staring at the ceiling and convincing himself Loki was high or delirious on some alien disease and would no doubt threaten him to secrecy in the morning over his embarrassing display.

Only that didn't happen; Loki disappeared. And when he returned, a few days later, it was with the kind of smile that made you look over your shoulder even when standing against the wall.

Apparently, he had truly done it. He had a plan, _apparently_ , one that he would enact when his flesh and blood army where old enough to aid their _mother_ in world domination. The men on his list were impressive, hence why he chose them, but if they were to combine with Loki's blood the results could only be deemed _godly_.

Victor felt it should be deemed irresponsible animal crossbreeding.

Very quickly and alarmingly after that Loki began to grow, eating him out of the house as his belly (and attitude) extended. He'd sit and stroke his belly whenever Victor was around, as if to creep him out. Once he'd even snuck up and pressed Victor's palm against the hard bulge, and no amount of rubbing or washing could take away the phantom feeling of Ben Fucking Grimm's gargoyle literally growing in Loki's alien womb. Victor couldn't decided if he would have preferred Hulk spawn to break him into this whole ordeal, because he was not prepared enough for this. He didn't know if he was able to wait nearly a decade and a half before the children were battle ready to win Loki (and himself) the Earth. It just seemed like far too many years to wait, and far too long to assure success with such versatile creatures. They were children, not mindless drones. Not yet, unless Loki thought he could raise children _and_ drones. Which was, impossible.

But then so was his list of dick targets.

**Xx**

"There was only one woman I ever convinced myself I would be able to do this for. Please explain to me why am I doing this for you?"

Trying to keep an eye on his footing Victor dragged Loki through the hallways from the toilet, back to his nest. Apparently Loki fell down and decided he couldn't get back up. _Decided_.

"Because I'll turn you into a frog if you don't?" Loki retorted, feeling no pain as Victor childishly squeezed his wrists tightly as he dragged him along. Loki's belly was huge, and _heavy_. Only three months and he was near bursting. Loki said it was his alien genes at work. Victor thought it was God's Wrath.

"Since when do princesses turn their Prince Charmings into frogs?" he grunted, tugging Loki close enough to his pile of bedding before letting go, watching as Loki easily caught himself on his elbows, grinning like he was already king of the world.

"I thought I was the evil witch?"

"What would the prince be doing with the witch?"

"Fucking her because the princess is so painfully dull and common?"

"I would accept that if that were actually the case here."

Loki crawled up back into his nest, which was now supported by a make shift fort of mattresses, sheets and magic, sporting inside an insane variety of things from clumps of Nile soil to bits of a SHIELD flag and Victor's entire array of ties. When inside after giving Victor a prolonged view of his ass, Loki dumped himself back, his stomach bulging and veined and looking disgusting. Victor stared at it, horrified, and could've sworn it shared Loki's grin. He wanted to throw sand on it and bury it. Maybe the entire nest, no one would miss them, right?

"I feel like I have Mjölnir in my stomach." Loki groaned, chest bare, lose cotton pants on. Because it's Victor's house and Victor _insisted_ on pants.

Victor squeezed and opened his eyes in a painful simultaneous action that looked much like a demonic eye roll. "A very sad part of me expected to hear _ass_."

"Been there."

Victor kicked in the side of Loki's fort.

**XxXx**

When the baby came Victor knew he was definitely not prepared enough for this. He knew enough about childbirth to know that was not something he was going to be near, especially if it wasn't his child, _especially_ now that it concerned _the evil bitchtastic alien prince called Loki_.

It was just going for the fourth long excruciating 'I'd like to try this Midgardian food then barf on that important electrical thing right there' month when Loki announced very suddenly and with an explosion to all the light bulbs on the floor that he was ready to give birth. Like Victor cared further than the amount of new slimy fluids would soil his now smelling-faintly-like-moth-balls-lair. Loki had, when he was still mobile, brought in a few more random things like doilies, many of which smelt like old ladies and cats.

Victor left Loki to his birthing business, returning later with guarded steps as if he'd find the spawn eating Loki's corpse. (Un)fortunately Loki was still alive, cradling the little mutant to his chest. Victor watched quietly, a calm peace in the air that hadn't been there since Loki arrived. When Loki finally saw him, looking tired and sleepy, he groaned and gave a weak grin.

"I didn't lactate fast enough, you're going to have to find me a temporary wet nurse."

Yes because wet nurses (did those even still exist) for evil alien male-mommies and their orange baby things were easy to find.

Victor ordered a truckload of baby formula, and more liquor.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

Within a month Loki was back up and ready to fuck. Victor would've thought the healing process would have been faster, Loki being a god and all, but having the month gave him time to prepare himself for more of this Hell. Everyone and anyone was banned from his apartment, he couldn't risk exposing Loki (they _were_ friends, sort of), so he forced upon the duty of cleaning to Loki, seeing as his servants had to be banned. Luckily for them both Loki did it with a flick of his hand, and rather approved of a clean home. Though why he couldn't do the same when vomiting morning sickness was bullshit.

Loki's Grimm spawn was male, as Loki stuck in his face one evening.

"See that? It's a penis, I promise. I know penis."

Victor could still feel the pebble on his nose.

The _baby_ , as it turned out, was real. Of course it was real, but…it was real. It cried and ate and shat and cried, and Victor didn't know whether to perform a mercy killing or be the mercy killing. Loki however, was positively glowing. He let his hair grow out, tying it in loose buns and really playing the mommy role well as he walked the floor with his baby, cooing to as if he really loved it. But that was a problem for another day.

More prominent a problem was that _it was a fucking stone baby_. Victor tried once to push its carrier with the tip of his shoe, just to mess with Loki's not so secret OCD, but couldn't budge it a millimetre. The thing was already heavy and powerful, and Loki felt it was quite alright to let it play with Victor's remotes and expensive fancy pens. Needless to say they ended up crushed beyond all recognition.

Then Loki decided Grimm junior was well enough weaned off baby formula (laced with his own blood for added nutrients, disgusting) every hour for him to go off and be a whore to conceive his sibling. Next on his list were other 'Jotuns', but he didn't know any and couldn't decide what area of that Jötunheimr place to land. Victor was far more troubled by who the fuck was supposed to watch the infant while Loki was gone.

It was him, of course, so as soon as Loki disappeared into thin air he sprayed the thing with a sleeping gas. He was prepared.

Loki was pleased with the success of the trip to Jötunheimr. He snuck on, wandered about for nearly an hour before successfully finding some inhabitants. They were big and strong and tall and fierce looking, he supposed there wasn't much else he could hope for. He had the brains and beauty. And he couldn't purposely seek out a Jotun of royal blood, that would just be incest. That would come soon enough.

"What are you doing out here? Where is your mate, little one?" he was asked when he made himself known. He fashioned himself some Jotun looking clothing to blend in, and summoned up his blue skin. The only thing that would have given him away was his ignorance to the local mannerisms and knowledge.

"I don't…have one?" he answered back, arching a brow and awaiting a reaction. There were three Jotuns standing around a dead hairy beast.

The closest and tallest Jotun stepped forward and regarded him. "Is that so? You're a bit old to be without."

"Am I?" Loki asked in surprise.

"Where is your family?"

"They don't want me." Loki put on a deliberate sad tone, turning out his chest and in his chin just enough to look positively adorable. He didn't quite know if it would cause attraction, he didn't know the details of Jotun sexuality, but it seemed to work enough as the men hovered closer.

"I find that hard to believe, you'd fetch a high price when mated off."

If this wasn't toward a goal Loki would have killed them. He ignored their sexist jibes and played along. "You seem like good men, will you help me?"

They helped him alright. Two hours later he was thoroughly helped, oozing frost giant seed and trying not to give into the urge to mewl on his back for more. Nothing had ever felt so _right_. His helpers had done a good job, though they weren't too happy with the fact that he wasn't virginal. Nevertheless he acquired the needed seed and forced himself up and away from the sluggish bodies sprawled in a heap. It was quite the foursome.

"Do you think I'm pregnant?" he asked cheerfully, getting up and grabbing his clothes.

"If you aren't, you'd be the first." One of them grunted, watching Loki with confused eyes.

"Excellent! I'll be off."

"You're leaving? That is not possible." They all looked even more confused.

Loki looked around mockingly. "Why not?"

"We've claimed you, you are ours now and we are yours, as are the babes."

"Babes? How many do we birth?"

The Jotuns reached the epitome of confusion, so Loki decided to stick with the smart root and waved a hand at them before he could lose the advantage of surprise. He couldn't risk being truly captured and leave poor Pebble with poor Victor.

Yes Pebble.

"Well thank you! This was lovely. Goodbye now."

"Loki?!"

Loki swirled to find the Bifrost open with and Thor flying out of it, looking around like a man crazed until he locked on him. "LOKI!"

"NO"

**Xx**

Victor was not prepared for the naked blue smurf model that sprung out from a seemingly harmless corner, panting and groaning. He jumped on instinct, he didn't have many ( _any_ ) friends so he was always on alert, and lashed out with five good fingers full of a powerful electrical current, missing Loki by a centimetre and hitting a very expensive painting. He only realised it was Loki by the green attack shot back at him. He just managed to swivel out of the way and behind the nearest corner in case he was mistaken.

But he wasn't, it was Loki, and he was laughing breathlessly.

"Christ! I very nearly killed you." Victor barked, stalking out from around the corner, finding Loki still very naked, and blue.

"I'm impressed, soon you'll be ready for lessons into the darker arts. Your _shocking_ tendencies give me unwanted nostalgia of a certain someone I'd much rather like to bury right now. How was Pebble?"

"About that. Perhaps _he_ would make a better baby sitter, being the uncle and all. And could you please put on clothes."

"I did it." Loki sing-songed, waving the loincloth in his hands, coincidently levelled with his crotch, biting his lip with a crazy satisfied expression in his eyes. The kind normal people had when announcing they got a promotion, or…had a baby. Ugh.

Victor tried his best to pretend Loki was fully clothed, and not leaking something onto the floors _oh god he was leaking something_. "…And?"

"Mind-blowing! Aesir cock really doesn't match up." Loki wiggled, seemingly to finally feel it, then walked away to his room.

Victor pulled a face at the droplets on his precious floor and veered a mile past them as he followed. "Yes, so I've heard tales. Horses? Really?"

"Who told you about that?"

"Google."

"I must speak with this Google. I keep hearing about its all-knowing power."

"…You're not going to deny it?"

Loki threw the weird skirt into his nest, heading toward the bathroom for what better be a shower. He was positively giddy, swinging his hips as he went, not a care in the world. "What? Svad? No, that was almost as good as tonight, a little short. …No wonder it wasn't the same after that, regulars just don't match up."

"…"

"…I _was_ a mare at the time, if it makes you feel better. I don't know."

"…No. Now please take your spawn off my bed, you did that just to annoy me."

"I love you too, Victor."

**XxXx**

This pregnancy was almost as taxing as the last. On Victor. Being an ice giant pregnant with _oh it could be a few_ little ice bastards, there were ice accidents happening all over the place. Apparently Loki had been Asgardian for so long that the sudden force of added Jotunness to his system was making him short circuit. After the second month he was turning everything he touched to ice, Victor was half tempted to build him a cell and lock him in it for the rest of the duration. The pipes were constantly frozen too, and Victor didn't even want to talk about the toilet. Loki wasn't acting quite as sorry as he should have been.

This time though, Loki sprouted breasts, to which Victor could not help stare at whenever they floated into his vicinity. He was both frustrated and fascinated by their existence, and he was certain Loki hadn't magicked them on. They sprouted normally, through his second damned pregnancy. Or well, _second pregnancy on Earth_ , so Loki liked to correct. None must be left out, God forbid.

Once Loki hit his fifth month he was bursting at the seams, continuously blue skinned and red eyed. Victor was glad Loki couldn't walk far on his own because if that crept up on him at night breathing heavily he'd also short circuit. Loki couldn't change back to looking normal, and every second day nearly burst into tears about it, complaining about how stupid he was to go as far as daring a Jotun pregnancy and how much Odin didn't truly love him and how he wished he was in Stark's Jacuzzi. And on top of that, Grimm's love child had taken great pleasure in crawling everywhere (with the most annoying grating sound) and smashing up the mounds of ice Loki left everywhere. Maybe he thought he was helping, but that just left water puddles appearing faster. Victor might as well revert to the dark ages, his modern home was completely unfriendly to mischief gods and their offspring. And in addition, he ripped two trousers by accidentally sitting on iced bar stools, much to Pebble's amusement.

There was also word in the deepwebisphere that there was a threat watch for Loki, apparently he had been spotted. Loki refused to give him a straight answer as to who caught him, but judging by the crushing of the microwave for being of _Thor's kind_ , he could guess who. Loki muttered something about needing to shield their entire lair ( _their_ , note the _their_ ) from Heimdoodle or whatever. Victor just struggled to decided what he'd do if the Avengers crashed in and tried to capture Loki, and his little army. Was it too late to change his mind and kick them out?

One evening during the times Victor liked to pretend weren't happening, Loki started whining and just _wouldn't stop_.

In the end Victor had no choice but to take a look, edging his way as slowly as possible towards the sound in case Loki spotted him.

Loki spotted him anyway.

"Oh **no**."

"Victor! Help me." Loki grunted, squatting over Victor's new suit. His new. Suit. It... no.

"Help you?! What do you expect me to—" Victor almost walked in if only to rip his newly pressed suit from under Loki when he heard a wet squelch, and the screaming of his suit as what must have been– _better be, at the very least!_ —birthing fluids gushed down from between his legs. Loki had on a huge T shirt, one he stole from Stark's tower and more specifically _Thor's room_ , bundled up around his stomach, his knees out and hands up firmly attached to the curtains on the windows.

"Ugh, that's disgusting."

"Disgusting? Fuck you! AH!"

The curtain railing was screeching under the pressure, it would come down any second and Victor did not feel like being here for that either. His suit would have to pass on peacefully, it had a good few days of life. He tried.

"…Okay here is what is going to happen. I am going to take a very long walk. And when I return you're going to be finished this nauseating business, just like last time. And there is going to be no noise or mess or— _why aren't you lying down_?!"

"Lying down? Who births lying down?! Help me!" Loki was already pushing, pulling viciously at the curtains as he tried to balance himself.

"How?! See how far you're dilated?!"

"Victor!"

"This is not—"

"Please! Let me lean on you. I can't keep my balance and push. _Please_!"

Loki begging was one of the sweetest things Victor had ever heard.

But the wet _plop_ of a newborn head wasn't.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

There were a few things Bruce liked to do at night. A regular schedule was good to keep him feeling normal, calm and prepared. While avoiding stress wasn't the secret, he did like calm afternoons so he could try to actually sleep well without reverse-psychologising himself into nightmares and insomnia. Tony lost sleep awake enough for both of them.

And Loki was not one of the few things Bruce liked to do at damn night.

"Oh- _shit_! …This is a trick, isn't it." Bruce swirled away, hands slapped over his face as he walked into his room to find Loki there, lazing on his bed, magazine in hand. Bruce didn't even keep magazines.

Loki chuckled, and it would've been classified as a rather _nice_ thing to hear at night and in his bed were Loki not the owner of it. "No, it's not."

Bruce squeezed his eyes and pressed his fingers into his forehead. "Yeah, yeah you are. What are you? A hologram? An apparition? Are you haunting me with some weird Asgard magic?"

"Neither, Dr. Banner."

The bed squeaked slightly and Bruce took a step away, he could _feel_ Loki approach. "Well, you wouldn't be here otherwise. You couldn't."

"I thought word of my escape was common knowledge?" Loki was next to him now, and he didn't sound nearly as nervous as Bruce felt. He really didn't want to see if his _placeroomareacontaintmentcell_ truly was Hulk proof. He paced his breathing, and reminded himself that Loki wasn't the threat here, _he_ was.

Very slowly Bruce lowered his hands and looked over his shoulder. Loki definitely there, a few steps away, hands benevolently clasped behind his back. He was missing his armour and looking much more filled out than the last time Bruce had seen him, and that was almost a year and a half ago. He was wearing plain black trousers and a green Indian styled top, complete with embroidery. His hair was long too, wavy and healthy looking. Very healthy looking. He was no longer gaunt and his eyes were actually green like Thor always said, not that Tesseract blue. But when Thor said he saw Loki it was out in space, not Earth.

And he still grinned like a lunatic.

"…That still leaves no reason for you to be _here_ in my pl-… I am not even going to ask how you got in."

Loki flapped a hand. "Irrelevant. I've come for something in our mutual interest."

"…Even if you tried to control me—"

"I no longer possess the sceptre."

"Even if you tried to control me, all that madness you harbour will only make the Other Guy go berserk. He'll kill you before you can even point out a target."

"I have absolutely no intentions of controlling you or your beast." Loki threw him a scout's honour gesture.

Bruce cringed lightly, wishing it were anyone else Loki had decided to haunt. "Then why are you here? Not to turn yourself in."

"If I turn myself in I wouldn't be able to do this."

In an almost comical exaggerated manner Loki puckered his lips and leaned in to what was definitely classified as kissing. Bruce jumped out the way and held a hand out as Loki followed after him, grinning ear to arse hole.

"What are you doing? Are you—"

"Mad? Most likely, but that is not important now. I need you to get angry and I need you to fuck me."

All of Bruce's stress fell away and he stopped to squint. "…Do you need medical help? A psychologist?"

"Stop confusing me, we—"

"You need a shrink, Loki."

"NO! That's the best part! I don't—"

"You're insane."

"Could you just think with your balls for once like a normal man."

It took only one poke on the arm for Bruce to Hulk out. Loki might have stayed, but the Hulk was frazzled and far angrier than he expected, and went and tripped the alarms by smashing back into the wall. So Loki left sheepishly, leaving the Avengers to clean up the mess.

**Xx**

"He rejected me!"

Victor sipped his whiskey, watching Loki pace up and down, Pebble faithfully waddling after him and the twin smurfs throwing snow clumps at the TV screen. He was past caring about his furniture, Loki promised to make it up to him when they ruled the world. He was far more annoyed now by the stink coming from all three babies. He used an umbrella to keep them a safe distance away as he sat waiting for their mother to return, he had his limits.

"Banner isn't a man-whore, he's not Stark, or Johnny Storm."

"Since when do men turn down sex? They go as far as to pay for it!"

Victor actually wished he'd been there to see it. Maybe he'd try hack into Stark's surveillance later, that might be worth seeing. "How did you go about it? How did you even phrase it? _'Turn into that wild green thing and stick the greenest part in my ass?'_ "

"Very funny. This is serious, how do I succeed? He's living under constant watch with the rest of the Avengers. It was hard enough sneaking around, I wouldn't put it past Thor to have picked up my scent there."

Victor stared apathetically, pressing the cold glass against his right temple. He stared at Loki's chest, and the two wet spots forming from his new skill of breastfeeding.

"Victor!"

"Have you tried finding common grounds?" Victor sighed, glaring up back at Loki. He thought it was stupid for Loki to go frolicking straight into the Avenger's tower, but Loki was one of those people that had to learn the hard way or they learnt nothing at all.

"Common grounds? What does that have to do with breeding?"

"Maybe the fact that you need to be the same species to have an outcome?"

"Oh. Well obviously. But—"

"Listen, your people up there are called 'giants', correct?"

"Yes?"

"Well, he turns gigantic. And technically you're a giant. Common grounds, you can't rock up looking like some emo human maniac. This is the Hulk you're trying to seduce."

Loki blinked, and turned blue. "…You're brilliant."

Victor pulled his lips, while the twins started babbling excitedly at Loki's form. "…That is not brilliant. That is me adding to my regrets list."

"I hadn't thought to do it in my Jotun form with him. Oh this might work…"

"Great. Well, there. I solved your mating problem. Which still leaves another."

"Hhm?

"Your children need a change, they're stinking up the entire apartment. Next time don't take so long on a failing attempt. I might just forget them and _leave_."

"I spent most of the night sneaking in and waiting until he was in his cell, our actual meeting was short."

"Get that stink away before I hose it with water myself."

**XxXxXx**

After a little persuasion Loki got Victor to promise that if he should be smashed to death by the Hulk, Victor would raise his children as evil little overlords. His _own_ evil little overlords. As Doomsons. The surname gave Victor an unwanted thrill that he couldn't help liking, but saying out aloud _Pebble Doomson_ spoilt it far more. He almost wanted Loki to die just so he could give the damn child a dignified name, especially if he would become a Doomson, dammit. Loki actually had a good thing going, his first born appeared as strong as expected and his ice twins were certainly not of this world. Loki nearly took off his hand for trying to go mad scientist on them.

But now was the time to conceive again, and they came to the plan of Loki gate crashing another villain's party, away from a place where the Avengers had the upper hand, and Loki could escape should he need to.

At the party so happened to be the Hulk. As well as Stark, Rogers, some new team member called Falcon and some spider thing that looked like it crawled out of Stark and Rogers' love nest. They were battling some villain who was blue and sparking away like he had been talking to Victor and Thor. Honestly this whole electric thing was getting ridiculous.

Loki hid in the shadows, following through the city and trying to find the right moment to confront the Hulk. But Sparky was then joined by another villain, which of whom would _not_ make it to the breeding list, ew. And to top it all off he and the spider _man_ —these mortals and their code names—began bitching much like he and Thor would. Thor wasn't even here and he was _still_ following him.

The intrusion developed into a lengthy monologue that Stark was quite humorously teasing, but it left the Hulk agitated and at a loss, growling and prowling in the back ground. The sight was so hot Loki almost slithered his way over.

Loki made sure not to be seen by the others as he showed his face, grinning at the Hulk then dashing away madly as the beast roared and took chase. The others wouldn't follow, they'd sort out the villains first, so Loki safely led (if it could be called that) the Hulk to his building of choice. And the room he was thrown into was one of the lucky floors with fluffy soft carpets here and there.

He rolled to a stop, shaking the glass out of his hair and turned blue, ripping off his clothing so that as the Hulk landed in with him, he was naked and vulnerable.

But he must have still seemed like a threat as the beast whipping him up by the very same ankle and flung him across the room. Loki took in it his stride, wincing only because _his breasts were fucking sensitive,_ and tried not to panic as the Hulk stormed over to him.

Once more he was grabbed by his ankle and dangled like a mouse, but before the hulk could swing him he spread open his other leg and pointed dramatically. "Here, you great simpleton!"

The Hulk threw him up into the ceiling. Loki landed back down with a groan, debris showering him. The Hulk sniffed around then, and Loki knew it wasn't the paint he was smelling. He spent a long good few hours preparing himself for this, making use of the lubrication and forcing out his Jotun pheromones until even Victor agreed he could smell _something_ odd.

"It's me!" he shouted, turning around clumsily to lean back. He spread his legs shamelessly, sticking a hand between them. The Hulk huffed, his eye brows doing something scary as he leaned over, one fist clenched and ready to go. Loki took the chance and when he was close enough wiped a palm full of his juices over the beast's mouth and nose.

The Hulk roared and jerked away, wiping at his face as if he understood in the least what Loki had just done. Loki panted, both in excitement and fear, but the Hulk had yet to strike him again. He kept coming back, looking distraught and adorably confused as if he wanted to pound Loki into the dirt but couldn't decided if he was supposed to, like he actually had a working conscience. It wasn't the kind of consideration or pounding Loki wanted, so taking his chances he crawled over.

There was a clear bulge in the big guy's pants, and he obviously had not a clue what to do with it. When he was close enough, his head low and body arched, Loki turned around and swished his ass like a cat in heat. He could almost feel the tail moving with it.

"It goes in here, darling."

What followed could only be described as a giant pain in the ass.

**XxXxXx**

If there was one thing Victor could _never_ have imagined, it was his Doombots playing nanny. _Him_ maaaybe _,_ if Susan had loved him back. His own blood child was a different story, when he was feeling giving, but Grimm's child and two ice gremlins from Ice-Giant-Land? Not quite. Loki would have to pay in advance for that.

The Doombots, for all their complaining, did the job and kept the trio off his hands while he watched the Avengers and their companions on the news take down that Electro freak and his bratty boss, their _reasons_ for being villains full of sappy ridiculous child's play. Villains just weren't the same anymore, his breed of actual _evil_ villains were dying out. The weak truly were going to inherit the Earth, pathetic fools.

At one point the Hulk disappeared but the camera's remained on the 'safer' heroes, and Victor found his thoughts hovering on whether Loki had gotten enough lube up his coochie; the Hulk was enormous. He didn't know if his Doombots would tend to Loki and his broken ass. Also he needed Loki alive because he didn't think he was actually ready to be Daddy Doom, and contemplated the possibility of dumping the kids on Reed's door step. Or Stark's, either or. They'd both leave their robots to look after them. …Much like he was doing. He was a terrible father wasn't he, and he wasn't even a father.

Two hours after the Hulk's disappearance the sensors in Victor's lair went off, like they usually did when Loki came and went, but this time they were picking up dangerous amounts of gamma radiation. He didn't ask questions as he threw on his mask and prepared himself to wound and escape if he couldn't (of course he couldn't) kill the Hulk. Before he killed Loki for bringing him here, of course.

Victor marched out and toward the area of question, his mind unintentionally wondering where the babies were and if the Doombots would think to protect or hide them first before going on the offensive. He didn't have enough time to scold himself for being soft before he met the intruder, who was blue and doubled over in the living room.

Victor looked around carefully, but there was no sign of the Hulk, just Loki, who was panting and shaking a little too much than Victor would assume normal, even for a god.

The babies weren't there, he noted for a second, and pulled off his mask.

"You're alive. Barely."

Loki mewled in pain, looking up with big wet eyes as he cringed, dropping to lean on all fours. "I…I think I have twisted my inners…" he whispered, before puking up an insane amount of clear liquid.

Victor's stomach churned and he had to fight off the first bout of nausea he'd felt in a _long_ time. "…For a cute one you are certainly disgusting. Please don't tell me that was what I think it was."

"It's water from my body. I think he melted me." Loki had his head hung, _water_ dripping from the corners of his mouth and accumulating around his hands as something else accumulated around his knees there was stuff dripping between his knees oh God he was leaking again

"…Is that green sperm? Is that green radioactive semen all over my floors?"

Loki answered by heaving and puking again, forcing out a fart of what was definitely Hulk sperm.

Victor held onto the wall for support as he breathed painfully through his nose. "…I hope you have enough of that vile fluid stored away in whatever it is you have in there that you call a womb."

"What? Why?"

Victor smashed his hand through the wall and ripped out the pipe, and hosed Loki with a powerful gush of water. Loki hit the wall behind him with a gurgled yelp, looking like a drowning dog (Yes Victor knew what those looked like), and proceeded to accidentally ice the entire room, Victor and himself included.

**Xx**

This pregnancy so far was the worst of all, and it was the longest. Twice Victor almost called the Avengers because _fuck_ Loki looked like he was auditioning for pregnant Bella in Twilight. He was back to the gaunt look, his stomach flowered in bruises as the pregnancy rolled to an end. He didn't feel able to handle this. Banner would at least know all the effects on a body enduring the growth of a little gamma monster inside it. Though Loki wasn't human, surely Banner could do more for him than Victor could. But there was no guarantee Loki wouldn't be locked up with immediate effect and experimented on or tortured, even if Thor was there.

Loki ate three times he normally did, and move around twice as less as before. And sadly, for his three kids, he could no longer breastfeed with the Hulk's spawn gestating inside him and infecting him with gamma. And worse, Loki had taken to sucking batteries and eventually demanding straight out radiation to eat. It made Loki's magic more powerful, but it seemed to take a far greater toll on his body. It was worrisome, and it worried Victor's conscience that he was worrying, but Loki promised him he was fine, even when he swore there was someone called Clint Barton crawling through the ventilation and spying on him whenever he went. Victor didn't bother to tell him his ventilation system was barely big enough for a mouse to fit in.

Pebble especially was upset by Loki's displacement, and more specifically the feeding situation, but it was by far time he got off the damn tit. Victor found a certain satisfaction when he made the child eat a cup of Yoghurt, all on his own. Well with a Doombot continuously pushing the cup back as Pebble petulantly pushed it away, stubborn as his mother.

Loki didn't do much anymore, he was constantly trying to avoid waking his own inner beast, but repeated the mantra to himself that 'it would be worth it', bruises and squashed organs and moping children.

Still, it didn't stop his humour. "You wouldn't like me when I'm hungry."

"Please don't."

And then sometimes Loki cried for hours on end for nothing.

"Victor your planet is savage! You're all backwards! Heathens! How can you not have harems but you have prostitutes? I don't understand!"

"Do I look like a pimp to be asking this to? God, must be all the whoremoans."

"The wh-what?"

"Google it."

Luckily, even with his romp with the Hulk, no one yet seemed to know Loki was hiding in his apartment. Victor's public visitations had always been few so that wasn't a call for alarm, but he did have a sneaky suspicion Susan knew he was up to something. Still, no one knocked down his door and he made an extra effort to make it look like he had a girlfriend locked up in his basement, allowing himself to be seen once with wine and lingerie on his arm.

And unlike the two pregnancies so far, Loki grew clingy, often lowering his pride or bothering to talk Victor into sharing his company. Cuddling Loki, who was dependent on him and desiring his company, needy and pouty, was more easy to do than Victor thought when he sighed impatiently through his nose and threw open the covers for Loki. Loki had to carry his belly now whenever he dared to walk, it was that big, but he was convinced it was only one baby. Victor prayed so, especially after it started kicking him through Loki's stomach when they lay together as if it could read his thoughts.

Loki was too tired and helpless for it to feel awkward. Victor petted his hair idly, wondering if Loki was insane or admirably determined. Soon he was going to have the Hulk's baby in his apartment, he might not be able to handle that. He didn't quite know how to tell Loki his shack truly might not survive them.

"I don't want to send you spiralling into post natal depression, but don't you think these children need a father figure? Their other parent to look after them…while you're away making them siblings? Ruling the world?"

"That's why you're here." Loki said, his expression so appreciative and yet so devious. Oh he just loved being the centre of attention, the little sleaze. Victor couldn't tell if Loki knew he had a microscopic soft spot for his babies, but hey they were rare and powerful, he liked rare and powerful things, that's all. It was just business.

"…I didn't make these."

"No, but you'd make the best Overlord father."

"One day those big eyes aren't going to work."

"Till then can you bring me another barrel? I'm famished, and starting to see Stark again. He was dancing around your bar naked, save for his helmet. Yes I know I'm addicted but it can't be helped, Hulk Offspring demands it."

Anything that led to Stark dancing naked definitely couldn't be good for the health, but who was Victor to argue with a pregnant magic-wielding momma.

**Xx**

The birth was, as Victor expected, traumatizing and not something he wanted a repeat of. He couldn't have denied Loki the help even if he wanted to, it was that serious. Not that he was much help. The Hulk's kid may not have been as heavy as Grimm's, but it was far stockier and for two hours Victor was sure it was stuck and very possibly dead. Loki ended up in tears, looking as if he was nearly dying himself as he pushed and struggled. And maybe he was, Victor wasn't too sure anymore. He knew nothing of alien vitals or health and at the rate Loki's heart was pounding he knew he wouldn't know where to start.

Eventually after a lot of blood, screams and magical backlashes the beast was born, instantly squirming as if it knew it was safe to. Loki's cries of relief were almost touching, even around the blood Victor was drenched in.

After a few hours and a clean up Loki was back in his nest, his newborn suckling at his chest, Pebble watching quietly with small eyes, the twins, Vetr and Jǫkull snoozing together on the other side of Loki. And now that the life and death fright was over Victor was determined the stone brat would be called William, at the very least. Something that sounded dignified, even if it meant 'ice' in another damn language. He wasn't going to have pushovers under his roof.

**Xx**

"Are you ready to put an end to this? I am not going to help if this happens again. I can't even burn your body now if you die, it would blow up like a damn target and send your SHIELD on my tail."

"Cease your infernal whining and let me enjoy the moment. It was a difficult trial from start to finish."

"Understatement of the century."

"He's a beautiful colour, he is going to be strong."

The kid was a deep turquoise colour, an extraordinary colour, and it helped remind Victor these weren't normal children he was housing, it would _aaaaaaall_ pay off one day. Assuming the frustration didn't kill him first. Or teenage hulk hormones. He had a hulk under his roof, great. "Do you think you'll be able to control him?"

"A mother has ways. I need a garden in here."

"What for? Do you need the moon to?"

"These children will need nutrients, as do those to come, Victor."

"I am quite sure they're not plants, I know _that_ at least."

"For a smart mortal you are still so green behind the ears. I need the most moist and fertile soil this planet has. And some pretty flowers. It will moisturize my children and give them nutrients that I can't. Can you not smell the chemicals in your food? You're all eating compounds made from compounds that do nothing but leave you hungry for more compounds; no wonder you're all backwards. Nothing is feeding your brains."

"No wonder you've been ordering and eating plants…So, who is next?"

"I need a break from these colossal offspring."

"Good—"

"So my brother will do just fine."

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

By now Victor was certain Loki was losing sight of their 'plan'. Loki's schedules and plans included learning shapes and words, squealing over their growing vocabularies and telling them of all the pretty places he'd take them across the stars, and which monstrous pets Mr Doom could buy for them. " _No they can't yet learn to make ice daggers, they could hurt themselves._ " Right, because two ice babies would hurt themselves and their s _tone_ and _hulk_ sibling by playing with ice they could only just solidify before it melted.

World domination had been pushed aside for now, making way for a literal nursery.

Victor looked around the room, trying not to let Loki's grin get to him. Loki hadn't built a garden, he'd built a fucking forest.

"You did this just to get me back for that nursery comment, didn't you?"

"Don't be petty, it's for my young, look how happy they are." The four children were gathered in a pile of soil, shoving squishy grey things into their mouths. William didn't seem to be too fond of it, over a year old and able to pull honest disgusted expressions, but the twins and Banner's kid was happily sucking down what looked suspiciously like

"What the fuck are they eating?"

"Tube worms from _Niflheimr_. They feast off the last energies of the dead and use it for rapid growth, I thought they'd be perfect to assist us. I didn't want to burden you for _too_ long."

"Very considerate. Lord help me if I become dispensable. I thought you had left already." He glanced at his watch, back home early because Loki had plans. With another man.

"Almost. Victor, I need you to promise something." Loki suddenly grabbed his face, standing a little too close whilst not being intimate.

"I don't want to." Victor fish-retorted.

"If I don't return, find Captain Steve Rogers and explain to him I've been taken prisoner by Thor, whilst my children suffer here without their mother's breast. Worst case, Thor will fetch them and allow me to keep them in my cell in Asgard. Best case, he brings me with and I make a run for it with them while you attack him. Or if they keep me in SHIELD custody, go to plan B."

Victor tried not to think too far ahead as he pulled out of Loki's long fingers. "The boy scout in tights?"

"He'll never sleep at night ignoring the helpless cries of infants abandoned. I do intent to return, but Thor has a peevish habit of pinning me down with Mjölnir. I was lucky to escape last time."

"If I wasn't so disgusted with the outcome I'd say _kinky_. You promised not to add more ridiculous names to your ridiculous list."

"I am the God of Lies and Mischief, Doom."

"And I hate you."

**XxXx**

"You will come to father this instant Loki! Even if I have to drag you!"

"I will not! I merely came to taunt you, I'll be going now."

"You are going nowhere!"

"No force in this universe could hold me here!"

Thor pinned Loki down with Mjölnir. He was huffing and puffing from their very long argument after chasing Loki through two cities and a portal, ending up in an abandoned building back in New York. Loki was famous for doing what he wants, but appearing on Stark tower and demanding Thor's presence whilst he was in the middle of a cheerful film called The Emperor's New Groove was nothing short of cruel.

Still, Thor was a sucker for punishment and insisted on chasing Loki alone, they needed to speak privately, it had been almost two years!

"If you just kept your mouth shut for once you could have avoided this embarrassment, brother."

"Thor…oh Thor." Loki moaned, eyes fluttering as the hammer weighed down on him. Thor didn't seem to notice.

"Why must you always hurt me so? Why didn't you speak to me on—why were you on Jötunheimr? Why did you run? A year has gone by but now you show up like the cat that got the cream!"

"Oh Thor, I haven't gotten the cream yet. You've yet to give it to me."

"Be silent." Thor huffed, edging pouting territory. He was pacing, apparently unable to decide what he wanted to do. Loki knew exactly what he wanted him to do.

"Oh I think you'd want to hear this."

"No, I don't—"

"That's the problem! You never did! You never listened to what I had to say! Like my voice meant nothing time and time again! You call yourself an Avenger, but what justice have you brought to me from your arrogance? You undermined me every time! All the time! Like I was beneath you…" Loki's voice cracked at all the right places, his lips quivering and eyes glistening as he looked up at Thor, sucking in a tiny breath. Thor stopped immediately to frown and look remorseful.

"Loki…no I…Loki…"

"And now, when I want to make up, you want to chain me away. I might as well disappear forever, no one loves me."

Thor lifted his hammer away, looking stricken. Loki didn't get up yet, and lay feeling extremely sorry for himself. "That is not true! I love you. Mother, father, they love you. _I_ love you, I always have—"

"Prove it."

"…What?"

"Prove it. Show me the love."

"…I don't understand Loki."

Loki rolled up onto his hands and knees and shook his ass not too subtly. "Thor…Thor I'm in heat. Jotun heat. I'm emotionally vulnerable. And-and physically too. I need your touch, you're the only one I can trust for this. That's why I came to you."

"In he—brother what are you saying?"

"I need you to hammer me like only you can. Brother, _please_."

**Xx**

After an hour of an earth shaking storms and mind blowing sex that sent a blackout through the city, their hideout was found and infiltrated by the Avengers, who couldn't have looked more disgusfused if they tried. They didn't even catch them in the act, just the clean up aftermath.

"Please don't tell me this happened. Please tell me my mind is just in the gutter." Tony begged, still in attack mode, but looking around for help. Steve was staring uncharacteristically dumbfounded, hoping he was missing the logical explanation. Natasha looked surprised but not all that shocked and Clint was going an array of emotions Loki found funny. The Falcon Avenger was there too, and stumbled into Tony with a confused _clink_ as he landed, guns deflating.

"Of course it's in the gutter." Loki quipped, buckling his pants as Thor faffed around, extremely embarrassed and red faced.

"Sad part is, I think we all just got sucked in." Clint said.

**Xx**

As expected, Loki was taken back to the Avengers tower, but nothing could ruin his mood. Not with the gutful of Thor's seed, he could feel it was a winning load. He sat smiling exactly like the cat that got the cream, and made sure Thor knew it each time their gazes met.

"Look I know you banged a horse, but your brother, really?" Clint asked Loki, walking around him as he was tied down to a chair by Steve. They were in a small room, it could be an interrogation room, were there not so much alcohol going around his interrogators.

"How does everyone know about that?" Loki sighed dramatically, then pinched his face at Thor. "If you—"

"It wasn't him. We have a handy little thing called Google."

"What is Google? Your very own All-seeing Gatekeeper?"

"Something like that."

"Can we just address the issue of concern here?" Tony butted in, pouring himself a shot before Thor stole the bottle and started to chug it.

Loki snorted. "I visited my brother, what's all the fuss? Oh, is Banner here?"

"And about that! We know you did something to him! All the Hulk can talk about is finding you. He's got a big bone to pick with you, Mr."

Loki giggle-snorted. "Really? Well, that's awkward. I'm not the monogamous type. I'm also kind of in a relationship."

"Yeah? We saw." Clint grimaced at the brothers, making Thor groan imploringly.

"My friends, please, I—"

"Do we call Fury?" Steve asked over them, arms folded and looking like he was far out of his depth. Natasha was watching Loki closely, and he snuck her small smirks as she couldn't possibly figure out his plan no matter how hard she stared.

"Or Thor's dad," Sam decided to pop in at the doorway, another male figure peeking over his shoulder. Loki grinned, never one to turn down eye candy.

"Who's the new boys, boys? And lady." Loki added.

"He's far too happy for a villain captured by the good guys," Sam pointed out, making Nat nod in the background.

"Hello darling," Loki inclined his head to wink at Bucky.

"Loki!" Thor exclaimed, throwing out his arms and splashing Steve and Clint with whiskey.

Loki then wiggled his brows at Sam, "Having fun with these guys? Please tell me you did the captain a favour and relieved him of his innocence? As one who can sniff out sexual frustration in trees and rocks I can certainly see sexual tension between you two. And your mute back there."

The group shared a variety of looks pointed at one another, while pink-face Steve sighed irritably and mumbled, "I'm ninety seven, not dead…"

"Loki you have yet to be punished for your crimes against the Earth!" Thor changed the subject quickly, booming and pacing like he hadn't just had the treat of getting between Loki's legs.

Loki narrowed his eyes and cocked a very cocky brow. "I just submitted to you, and in connection to the Avengers and your SHIELD. So the debt is paid."

"It couldn't be further from paid even if you offered up your first born," Tony retorted. "Also that was Thor that got the booty, we _do_ have separate bodies—"

" _STARK_ "

"Look I have prior commitments so I can't stay long. I came to visit my brother now I must leave."

Clint made a no-nonsense noise. "Prior commitments? Like what, gathering intel, spying on us? What a load of bull. Thor your brother is a psycho."

"I am well aware," Thor grumbled, watching Loki leer from Bucky to Sam to Steve.

"What are you up to?" Natasha asked, earning a smile from Loki who just barely managed to pull it from Sam's crotch.

"Do you really want to know?"

"No, we're asking just for fun." Clint grunted, getting an elbow from Steve that knocked him back a few places. Natasha gave Loki a facial prompt to continue.

"Fine. I came to turn over a new leaf and join your side against all who may threaten Earth. It's our home, we really should protect it."

Everyone was frowning on some level at Loki, even Natasha. Except for Bucky who was staring at Steve and trying to work out his own age.

"Psychopath," Clint repeated. Loki laughed.

"I am being entirely honest. I'll even work for your SHIELD to defend Earth for as long as—well, for long enough. But I can't stay under your imprisonment. So in return for my freedom I offer my loyalty and sword."

"We have enough snakes with Hydra, thanks." Steve grumbled, but looked around at the team for their opinions.

"Loki father expects you to return home for punishment," Thor said.

"I'm sure he'll love to see us again knowing we finally fornicated. Odin always gets what he wants." Loki said bitterly, "Only difference is I chose it, not him! I am my own broodmare."

"I am so confused right now." Tony blinked.

" _Sir, there is a call for you_." JARVIS' voice appeared, pulling them from an awkward silence.

"I'm not in."

" _It's a Mr. Von Doom_."

Loki made a giddy sound and squirmed in his seat, making the awkwardness descend into the pits of Hell, dragging them all with him.

"Doom?" Tony asked, shooting Loki a suspicious squint that Loki humoured by biting his lip. "I'll take it, I guess."

" _A visual, sir_?"

"Sure, let him see my back up in case he's got any funny plans."

"He's calling, not sending a bomb." Loki sneered as a projector screen popped up. There was a moment of silence as the team and Loki stared at Victor Von Doom who dryly stared back, then Victor sighed, eyeing Loki a glare before smiling— _grimacing_.

"Tony Stark, and your band of carebears, I'd like to advise you against holding your prisoner. You need to release him, right now."

"Any legitimate reason why?" Steve asked, folding his bulging arms again.

"One that doesn't involve the boring 'Or I'll blow up the building' scenario." Tony added.

"His kids are driving me insane. If you don't let him go to come take them I _am_ going to throttle them and it will be on _your_ heads. So unless you want me to kill four children because you refuse to release their insane mother I suggest heeding my warning. Don't test me on this, you have an hour."

As the call cut Loki politely teleported himself out the bindings and leaned his elbow on Tony's shoulder, who was still staring at the blank wall like everyone else. "Two years late, but can I have that drink before I go?"

**Xx**

Loki made it back _home_ that night, but with Thor, Steve and Tony. The latter two couldn't believe Loki had kids. Thor did, but he didn't want to.

But they all had to accept it when Victor welcomed them in with a grim smile, glaring at Loki for the intrusion.

"So…is it safe to say none are Victor's?" Tony asked, staring at the colourful tots that stared back, sitting in a neat row on the couch. Loki was almost beaming with pride, prowling around Thor in obvious anticipation of his thoughts.

"Loki, you lay with Jotuns?" Thor asked softly, as if extremely worried. The twins were particularly interested in Thor and his large golden form, having eyes only for him as if they shared Loki's love for him. Before the hate developed.

"And two mortals." Loki pointed.

Tony looked back and forth between the _clearly_ The Thing's child, and the little Buddha besides him, who was squeezing the crap out of what looked like a stress ball. Steve looked resigned, the _mission over let's head out please k thanks_ kind, clearly having no desire to get caught in the middle of this.

"Okay I get that one," Tony flung a finger at the first born, and frowned at the youngest. "…But him…?"

Loki threw an arm around both Tony and Thor. "About that…"

**XxXxXx**

As promised, in return for his service Loki joined the Avengers as the bad cop. After both Banner and Fury hulking out, Tony's tower getting trashed, Clint shooting an arrow in everyone's butt, Victor unwillingly being caught in the crossfire, and twenty boxes of pizza later it was decided Loki would be given a chance. Fury gave him _one_ shot before he rained down Hell on his ass, but Thor promised Loki wouldn't break his vows.

Victor had never pitied anyone so much in his life. He almost felt bad for the sod.

Bruce, however, couldn't be around Loki without Hulking out. And after the last time involving a giant green dick streaking through the corridors, the gang decided it was better to keep the two of them far apart, and Bruce had no complaints. In fact he was pretty upset with the whole 'being a dad' thing, but Loki assured him Victor was taking care of that and he had no obligations to the child. Still Bruce looked upset, but no one knew how to comfort him. Not even Tony. ' _Sorry Loki seduced the Other Guy and made a baby_?' Nah

And further on, Loki announced he was pregnant again, and told Victor to add another Doomson to his will. Thor hadn't know whether to fight or cry, and hovered around with Bruce in the background as Loki waddled around with his four ducklings following faithfully after him. As discussed Loki was allowed to remain with Victor, but often popped up in Stark's tower with the babies, mostly just to annoy them and remind them he was here to stay. Apparently it was the Avengers turn to help with the children, Victor needed a break. How thoughtful of Loki.

The twins still took a shine to Thor, which softened his brooding in record time, and funny enough the Hulk's child gravitated toward Bruce, as if he knew. It took Bruce a full four months before he could acknowledge the boy, even if he did Hulk out trying. Loki almost gave birth prematurely in fright, the Avengers pulling out their weapons in a second, but unlike Bruce the Hulk had no qualms in acknowledging and embracing his offspring. And smashing a few things in joy with his little boy.

Also the Hulk chose to name him. Crush.

Victor named him Dante Doomson.

To pass the time Loki's hobbies seemed to be playing tricks on everyone for the amusement of his children, calling Victor at every random hour of the day to update him on his _not_ -children, and rating Hollywood's celebrities on a scale of Hot to Not.

"Is this thing from Midgard?"

Tony stopped, carrying his morning juice to his work room. He veered over to Loki who had one of his Stark pads and was browsing through SHIELD's villain database.

"The Abomination? Yeah, he's like, a failed experiment crossing Steve and the Hulk. Why?"

"…"

"No. No that is where _I_ draw the line. No—THOR"

**Xx**

The Avengers turned out to be useful when it came to entertaining the kids, if not a little useless when it came to rules and discipline. Within a few weeks Victor was back to fighting with William, Vetr and Jǫkull about eating food first _then_ desert, and that the toilet wasn't a place to store toys. Or Tony Stark's latest gadgets. …And his own for that matter.

As for Loki the Asgardian-Jotun pregnancy lasted a normal nine months. It was an easy smooth pregnancy, Victor had almost no troubles as the Avengers shared the burden. There was a small debate on whether to let Grimm know he had a son, but it was declined. Neither Victor nor the Avengers were up for more publicity and drama, other superheroes or not. That and Fury threaten them to shut up about it.

This time, Loki had a girl. And Thor had a crying fit. Loki named her Signý Doomsdóttir, but promised Thor she could be a Thorsdóttir when he gave her the throne one day. Victor kept his mouth shut, knowing Loki planned to take over both Earth and Asgard anyway. _If_ he got around it by the rate he was becoming mother of the year. Thor looked happy enough to agree to anything as he cradled the baby girl, walking her up and down Stark's tower like a man in love. Rosy cheeks green eyes and black hair, she was a beautiful little angel. If not for the electric ice storms she summoned each time she cried for milk. Victor was almost certain he had fallen into the deepest level of Hell; all this ice business was going to kill him.

The four boys quickly took to their new sibling, and strangely, Clint was always the first after Thor to hover around, giving her something new and important to chew on. He still gave Loki dirty looks, but Signý could have been his godchild (mortalchild?) for all it seemed.

And so Loki's family grew. And Victor was still sure the plan to take over wasn't as significant as Loki made it seem. Not as much as motherhood seemed to be.

When asked _why_ he was doing this, the whole baby thing, Loki broke down in tears about his multiple daddy issues, and nymphomaniac tendencies. And also the fact that Midgard birth control didn't work for him.

"Yes but the Hulk?" Tony had repeated for the tenth time.

"Yes but his brother?" Clint added, for the twentieth time.

"Loki but the Jotuns?" Thor asked, for the fiftieth time.

"Don't forget horses." Natasha added helpfully.

"And rocks and trees." Sam called, flipping through _Prose Edda_.

Loki hummed, half way through a hunk of ham. "Oh trees, now that has been a while."

A while wasn't a while enough as far as the team was concerned.

When Signý turned four months and Loki was fit for battle, they were sent to meet and greet a visiting alien ship which as it turned out was benevolent and quite fun. Were it not that the green chick Gamora recognised Loki and starting ranting about some all powerful Thanos up in the clouds that was no doubt looking for him, _and_ her. Fury's eye brows started to go grey after debriefing her, and Loki _again_ , about this Thanos and resigned himself to the fact that he was harbouring two wanted aliens on Earth.

But other than that the Avengers made some fun new friends.

And Loki added names to his list.

It really wasn't a while enough.

**Xx**

"I am Groot."

"With all the men here you'd think there was enough but I could always do with a little extra morning wood."

"I am Groot."

"Come on, let me see. Show me that root."

"I _am_ Groot?"

"I know what your name means, so believe me, I do. I've taken big before."

"I am Groot…"

Loki groaned in frustration as Groot presented him with a fancy flower.

"Not this! Where is it? What's the matter with you?!"

"I am Groot?"

"For the love of—how are you so _dense_? Never mind I'll find it myself, stupid hunk of bark."

And that was how Peter Quill found the pair, Loki fighting his way over Groot's long legs, both hands shoved between his legs, hair and eyes wild.

"What the— _what are you doing_?!" Peter screeched in a high-pitched girlish scream, pointing the tips of his fingers in their direction as they shook haphazardly. "ROCKET! ROCKET GET OVER HERE"

Peter dashed out, slapping a palm over his eyes. There was a thud and a grunt from Clint, and more shouting from Quill for back up as he scrambled over the hawk.

Loki snorted irritably and pushed himself up on Groot's knees, pouting up at him.

"Then what are we going to do?"

"…I am Groot."

**Xx**

Almost the entire gang pitched up, the Guardians to save their buddy, and the Avengers to contain their insane sort-of-brother-in-arms-law-demi-god. Thor, Clint, Sam, Nat, Gamora, Drax and Rocket rushed into the room, Thor and Drax getting stuck and together breaking away the entire door frame. Rocket had a gun at the ready, swinging it as Peter came in last, knocking Clint over again as he pointed viciously at wait what

On the bed (Rocket's bed), Loki sat between Groot's legs, his own legs crossed, elbows leaning lazily on his knees as he sat looking depressed, while Groot decorated his hair with a mirage of colourful flowers and petals. There was also a small crown on Loki's head made from wood and vines. He looked quite fabulous if Groot said so himself.

"Groot? You okay?" Rocket asked, his gun dropping.

"He's just dandy." Loki droned, accepting a miniature wooden staff from Groot, who nodded. Everyone relaxed, and shot Quill glares for the shock.

Drax gestured a hand to the pair. "I thought you said the Trickster was attempting to—"

"He was!" Quill exclaimed, "Had his spidery fingers all up in—I saw it!"

"Loki," Thor said admonishingly. "By now you should know better than trying to take advantage of another."

"Yes! Groot can't speak up for himself like we can." Quill said, nodding fiercely.

"Groot can speak just fine," Rocket said, rolling his eyes at Quill. He jabbed a finger at Loki. "But if I hear you been touchin' him in a bad place, you ain't gonna have legs to spread when I'm done blasting them off, you harlot."

"Hey! Watch your tongue!" Thor barked.

"He does have sharp teeth." Drax nodded.

Clint, Natasha and Gamora rolled their eyes simultaneously. Loki threw his wooden sceptre at them all.

**XxXxXx**

Groot did not end up giving Loki his root, or any babies.

But he did build him two beautiful nests for him and his children to huddle in. One in his room at Doom's, and the other in Thor's room in the Stark tower. The kids loved it, and just like Loki dragged in their favourite blankets and items. It did lead to some sibling rivalry over space, but Groot was always happy to fix holes when they broke it. And along with the nests was a mini crown, one each for every child, an especially pretty one for the baby, and a special cradle for Loki's next. Only Groot knew where the next would come from. Well, Groot and Victor.

"Is this the last name?" Victor asked.

"Yes. For now, I suppose. Only the best make it on there."

Loki was looking at his ass in the mirror, judging it from all angles. It still looked pretty good, Victor thought he should be grateful it was still holding together. All of him.

Loki whipped up, and bit his lip at Victor. "I don't mean to say that you're not—…I…"

Victor frowned, then realised Loki was thinking on his last few words. He gave an exaggerated shrug of his shoulders and pursed his lips, looking away nonchalantly, because he had no idea if he even wanted that.

Loki pushed aside his shadow to hover in its space. "You've been so good to me, Victor. And I have yet to repay you."

"That's fine, you'll repay me when you take over Earth. …Right?"

"…Aaabout that…"

**XxXx**

Drax was completely confused.

"Do you think I'm attractive?" Loki asked, smushing Drax's face into his chest. He was sitting in his lap, wearing a revealing silk gown that he pushed aside to show all the fun bits.

"I would have to think about it first before I am able to reveal to you an accurate answer." Drax replied, taking the first chance he could to get some air.

He didn't seem to think Loki was dangerous, maybe he just over estimated himself, so it was too easy for Loki to creep in his room and throw himself into his arms without ringing alarm bells in the man's head. Loki couldn't really care though, he was so firmly built it made him hot just thinking about him.

Or maybe it was the boobs confusing Drax.

"When last did you get some tail?" Loki asked, grinding his hips forward. Drax grunted and responded to that at least, his strong hands squeezing Loki's sides.

"Tail?"

"You know…" Loki leaned over and licked the shell of Drax's ear, panting obscenely. "Had a romp?"

Drax stared off, frowning lightly. He wasn't very fluid when not in battle, so it left Loki the one doing all the moving. But maybe he'd do more when they got into it.

Loki scrambled off his lap and onto the floor, knelt over on all fours and wagged his ass.

"Ride me like a pony."

Loki looked so eager that Drax couldn't bring himself to declining because of his ignorance to the vernacular. He was sure Loki was more articulate than this. "…Artificial Intelligent voice called Jarvis! What is a pony?"

**Xx**

"Like this?" Drax asked the ceiling, squatting over Loki's back.

" _Close enough. You could use a belt as a rein._ " JARVIS suggested, flipping through images of riders and their horses on the holoscreen.

"Such bizarre sexual performances this planet indulges in." Drax commented to himself, resting his weight on Loki as he looked around for something to stick in his mouth.

Loki's arms buckled and he wondered why he thought sexual innuendoes would be caught by the naïve fool. He was worse than humans when it came to catching a clever hint. It was a clever hint ok.

"Look, Drax, just—"

"No wait, I will do this for you, Mother of Madness."

"It's _Monsters_." Loki snapped, but Drax was too busy jamming his belt between Loki's teeth.

"Neither make sense, your children are quite beautiful, but very well. There."

" _Excellent job despite lacking the know-how_." JARVIS replied. Loki could have sworn he heard sass in his tone

Loki squirmed to spit the thick material out. "Your effort is duly noted. Get off me, you idiot."

" _Some mules require a riding crop for discipline._ " JARVIS added. There was definitely sass in that tone.

Drax nodded in agreement as JARVIS showed him the tool in question. "Discipline. Does verbal disobedience from mules on this planet earn discipline?"

"I am not a mule! Get off!"

" _My apologies. Broodmare_."

"What is the difference?" Drax asked, confused as Loki struggled beneath him. He used the belt to keep him still, as the images showed. Unknowingly he started to choke Loki.

" _Mules are for manual labour. Broodmares are for breeding._ "

"Why does he insist upon being classified as equine?"

" _Perhaps it feels more natural to him._ "

Loki stared to struggle violently and scream profanities around his lack of breath, but Drax was stronger. Thor magic-roofed the Avengers and Guardians individual rooms so Loki didn't have an unfair advantage over them when they were relaxing and unaware.

" _That might also explain his uncontrollable urges to be mounted and bred continuously._ "

There was a pause.

" _That might also explain his reason for coming here._ "

Drax blinked, then grinned. "Now I understand his puzzling requests!" He released Loki from the choke hold and got up, pushing Loki onto his back. "Why did you not just ask?"

"Idiot!" Loki wheezed, pawing at his throat as he gasped.

" _Equine mate from behind_ ," JARVIS advised, " _Not with the mare on her back_."

"Oh shut up!" Loki shouted, "If you were an actual person I would rip out your throat!"

"Cease you howling and prepare yourself, Loki Odinson."

Loki would have kicked him, but Drax started opening his pants, and he felt the mare inside him neigh.

**Xx**

"Where is mommy?" William asked, pulling on Victor's sleeve. His whole arm was yanked off the table, his hand of cards and whiskey going everywhere. He was playing poker with Stark, Rogers, Quill, Romanoff, and Rocket, here only because he wanted to beat Stark at cards. The raccoon was giving him an unexpected run for his money though.

"Good question, kid." Tony said, sighing as Steve covered his eyes to keep from seeing Victor's fallen cards. Like he needed to see them, he was a mathematical genius after all, he knew where each and every card was. That and he had JARVIS' eyes from every angle of the place.

"Mommy is busy," Victor said, pulling his arm free, trying not to look irritable. William had taken to him far more than he ever would have thought, as if the kid _liked_ him.

"Busy how?"

Victor sighed at the boy, collecting his cards as he glared around.

"Probably out whoring—OW!" Tony said, getting a kick from both Steve and Natasha.

"Jealous much." Rocket snorted, waving his drink at Tony and Victor. "I can _smell_ the want dripping of you two idiots when he waltzes by. Seriously it's like living in a breeding facility where the studs are constantly cock-blocked."

"Guys, we have a kid here." Steve complained.

"He's too young to understand." Victor said, and got caught in William's pleading puppy dog eyes.

"Where are your siblings?" he groaned.

"Playing with ball uncle Thor and uncle Sam and uncle Groot."

"Wait, where's the baby?" Peter asked.

"Clint and Bucky had her." Nat said.

"I want mommy!" William whined, and when William was upset, furniture suffered.

"JARVIS! Where's Loki?" Tony shouted.

" _Indulging in pony play with Drax, sir_."

Only Tony understood that, knowing his porn very well. He sunk in his seat, cards and a grin up to his eyes.

"What?" Quil asked, Rocket shrugging.

"It doesn't sound very decent." Steve sighed.

" _They're making Doomson or Doom_ _sdóttir_ _number six._ "

"WHAT?" Rocket shouted, "What is that lunatic thinking getting down with Drax? It's weird enough having one idiot that can't understand the phrase 'getting head'."

"Maybe Loki's wit will counteract that." Tony giggled, having enjoyed Drax's disability to metaphors.

Natasha pursed her lips. "I'm pretty sure Fury is going to insist on population control soon. I mean, Loki has to stop at some point? Has anyone gotten a straight answer out of him as to why he's repopulating Earth's alien census?"

As if there was some inside secret everyone looked at Victor, who was back to pulling his clothing from a very stubborn William's little solid hands. It ripped and William marched out of sight, leaving Victor to sit back straight and glare. "What?"

"What is Loki up to, Victor? Just be honest, we're all sentient beings here." Tony asked.

"Number six, apparently," Victor snapped, "He has no hidden agenda. The one he did died with the influx of diapers."

"What, was he going to take over Earth with babies?" Tony laughed, but when Victor didn't so much as smirk he took a drink. "Ah."

Steve frowned, appalled. "What? He was going to use his children as—as what? Soldiers? We still gave him the benefit of the doubt!"

"Wow, very Loki-like. I told Fury." Natasha said.

"You knew?" Victor snorted, as everyone stared.

"I had a hunch. Kinda of sad to be right this time."

"And I thought I was a bastard," Rocket shook his head, slipping William his tot of drink who had crawled under the table.

"Hey guys, calm down. He _had_ the idea. But he changed his mind, right?" Quill aimed at Victor. "That counts for something."

"Yes. Now can we continue? I want to win my watch back."

"Sure, but the watch is mine, buddy." Tony shrugged, and they all leaned back in. Except for Rocket who was pulled under the table by a very curious William.

Doom smiled, he was indeed a daddy's boy.

**XxXxXx**


End file.
